Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Who believes that Speaker Mike Johnson will certify ‘a free and fair and legal election'? Who believes that Speaker Mike Johnson will NOT certify ‘a free and fair and legal election'? Why?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

The sadness was still there.

— we are metamorphosing!

And the sadness?

I was tired of trying and failing.

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Is it safe to say that China is at least 30 years ahead of India?

I had run out of hope.

You are like me, then.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

How far does good behavior take you in a prison?

I was tired of fighting.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

It’s here now, writing to you.

Why cant I breathe when I sleep on my back, I can breathe if im on my side or stomach but I feel uncomfortable since either my neck is twisted or my back is in pain, im physically healthy and my surroundings are clean so whats the problem?

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

What is one fantasy you have never told anyone about but really want to do?

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It’s still here.

Have your parents ever walked in on you?

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Be who you already are.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

How did the use of cows change in Indian culture over time? Is the value of cattle still important in modern times?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

How do I run away? I'm 15 and live in Oklahoma.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.